Me Day

Every once in a while a "Me Day" is not only wanted BUT very necessary.  Yesterday was one of those days.

I didn't sleep well the night before.  Thanks to Aunt Flo, I was doubled over in pain, feeling like I was going to die (I know, the dramatics of being a female... so glamorous).  My heart was feeling broken.  I just needed a Me Day, PRONTO.  So, I took one!  I let work know that I wasn't coming in and I took the day for myself.

I stayed in bed all morning, catching up on Grey's and Parenthood on DVR.  Let me tell you, rest REALLY IS the best medicine.  Along with the DVR marathon and rest and relaxation time, I got to catch up with my BFF, which is ALWAYS good for the soul.  There is something about the words of a BFF to help mend the heart and head.

By noon, I was feeling much more like myself, a bruised and battered version, but like myself nonetheless. I ventured out into the backyard and soaked up some sun while listening to my Heartbroken playlist and reading The Furious Longing of God.  Sunshine, fresh air, music that acts as a soundtrack to your emotions, and a good book, I believe, are gifts from God that I am INCREDIBLY thankful for.

 

As evening approached, I felt even better.  I went to the gym for my usual sweat session, which helped in the healing process even further.  As they say, running is cheaper than therapy.  Don't get me wrong, I think EVERYONE should be in therapy, not necessarily at all times, but chances are, if you think you don't need it, you need it the most.  BUT... working out is a good form of therapy.  It is time during which you are doing something for YOU, to better YOU... it matters.

All this to say, when was the last time you took a day for YOU?  Not necessarily a day off from work, but just a day where you spent the day with yourself, with NO agenda... just to be?  If you can't remember the last time, I would encourage you to schedule one ASAP.  If you have never taken one, I would encourage you, even further, to schedule one SUPER ASAP.  Before you can even think about taking care of someone else, you need to learn how to properly take care of yourself.

Happy Anniversary

It was one year ago TODAY that I took a stand and decided to do something about my weight.

Going to the gym a couple of times a week while eating my body weight in California Burritos wasn't working anymore.  Well, let's be honest... it never worked. I had never dieted.  Ever.  I had tried to be "more conscious" of what I was eating at one point when I was 21 but that lasted for about a week... MAYBE a week.  I just never cared enough to really do something to change.

Being completely honest, I was comfortable in my role as the "funny fat friend".  I used every excuse in the book.  I said, on MANY occasions that I will "never be a size 2, it isn't how my body is made".  I made countless comments about how it is "unhealthy looking to be that skinny" when referring to girls who were simply healthy.  I didn't understand why there were so many "skinny" girls at the gym.  I had SO MANY mental blocks about my weight and how a healthy lifestyle could work for me.

So, last in December of 2010, I saw a picture of myself that shocked me.  I didn't realize just how big I had gotten.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am well aware that I wasn't this morbidly obese person but I was big, too big for my body.  I decided that I needed to do something, and fast if I wanted any chance at being healthy.

For the first few weeks of January I kept a journal of everything I ate and how many calories I consumed.  I didn't have a goal in mind.  I didn't really change any of my eating habits.  I simply wanted to be aware of what I was eating.  To say that I was appalled would be a gross understatement.  On any given day, I could consume 3,000 calories or more.  I would eat things without blinking an eye.  Like I said, I loves me some California Burritos.

I have some very dear friends that have been incredible successful with the Weight Watchers program so I knew enough about it to know that it was something that I could do.  I didn't have to buy a certain food.  I didn't have to say goodbye to bread (which let's be honest, I am Portuguese, that ain't happening any time soon).  I could eat what I want, I just needed to be more mindful of what it was that I was eating. 

So, on January 26, 2011, I took the first step toward a healthier (and a much happier) me.  I walked into my very first Weight Watchers meeting and I haven't missed a single meeting!  Yes, you read that right!  EVERY WEDNESDAY, for the past YEAR... I have gone and weighed in at Weight Watchers.


The leader at the meeting that I attend is unbelievable.  She is this little spit-fire of a lady with crazy curly hair and more energy than any one person should have.  (To be a leader in WW, you have to have been successful with the program yourself.)  She shares stories that have helped her to be successful and stories about when it was really hard for her.  She helps you to remember that this is a JOURNEY.  It takes time but it is SO worth it.

Since joining Weight Watchers I have also become much more intentional with my work out regime.  In the beginning it was because I wanted to earn as many activity points as possible and not use them.  It was a game for me. :)  The game has become a way of life.  I work out 5-7 days a week and feel like an absolute sloth if I go more than a day without being active in some way.  In August, I got a trainer and I couldn't be more thankful that I have made that investment.  Don't get me wrong, it ain't cheap but I can't think of a better way to spend the little disposable income that I do have.  I am smaller, stronger, and healthier than I have ever been in my whole life.

So, here I am, a year later... 34.4 pounds lighter and continuing on the journey.  There are days when it is a piece of cake a cake walk easy as pie pretty easy and then there are days that are really tough.  BUT... everyday is a NEW day.  EVERY DAY I get to make the choices necessary to continue on this journey.  Again, I will be honest, some days it is really hard to choose well with my eating... Doughnuts and California Burritos are just too good to resist.  BUT, that is the beautiful thing about WW... I CAN have those things... but I just have them about once every 6 months, not 4 times a week. :)

My dear friend Megan has posted this photo on her blog and on instagram this week and it stirred something in me.

This photo has been haunting me.  I have been going back to it over and over again to read the words that God spoke. 

This morning I read it again and HAD to see how Eugene Peterson translated it in The Message.

Here it is...

This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can't get up;
they're snuffed out like so many candles:
"Forget about what's happened;
don't keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new.
It's bursting out! Don't you see it?
There it is! I'm making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say 'Thank you!'
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me." 
                                    Isaiah 43:16-21
                                    The Message




I can't help but be filled with great hope reading that passage!

FORGET ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED... BE ALERT, BE PRESENT... 
I AM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING BRAND-NEW.

Amazing.

It is my hope and prayer that this passage stirs something in you the way that it has in me.

Jason Wu for Target

I am not a label lady. 

I don't care what the tags on my tops or jeans say.  Of course, I like a good designer pair of jeans or fancy blouse, but I don't care to pay the price.

Ever since the lovely Michelle Obama wore a Jason Wu gown at the Inauguration Ball in 2008, I have been intrigued with his designs. 

I love that the styles are feminine, classy, and timeless.  I just like his style. :)

This morning I was doing my usual morning routine of checking out the new on MSNBC.  I looked through local, national, business, health and entertainment news as normal.  I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw THIS headline.

YES, you read that right.  JASON WU has a line coming to Target.  I might be behind in finding this out but I am one excited lady!  I am not planning on going all crazy like some people did for Missoni but I do hope to snag a few pieces.

I am in love with this outfit.

I WANT!

The blouse.  The skirt.  The bag.

YES PLEASE!!!

Today's post brought to you by Instagram.

 Be Present.

Love the Catalyst theme this year.

 

 Friday night at Splash Wine Bar in North Park.

Started with heels.

Moved on to the foldy flats.

 New Round of BodyPump was introduced this weekend.

HURTS SO GOOD!

 Work-out courtesy of Pure Barre.

Hydration courtesy of MiiR Bottles

 

No cavities for this girl.

Most people hate the dentist... I don't.

 I saw my friend Megan wear almost this exact outfit while I was in Seattle last April and I have wanted to replicate it since then.

Today, I did.

I have this irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on a mediocre day.

Here's hoping that I run into a good looking man. :)

Happy Happy Birthday to my dear friend Travis.

May this year bring you love, laughter, peace, joy, and contentment.

Honored to call you friend.

Reading Material

It is no secret that I have become quite the work-out, fitness, and eating right lady. I work out 5-6 days a week. I track everything I eat or drink. It can be exhausting.

Exhausting but so rewarding. I have never felt better. I am smaller, stronger, and healthier than ever before.

As I was straightening my room this morning I came across my stack of recent magazines on my chair and I realized just how fully this transformation has taken over my life. Even my magazines tell the story of my journey to a healthier life.

Risk

Some things in life require risk.

In fact, MOST things in life require risk.We want this or that but fear keeps us from risking and we in turn stay right where we are.  Fear cripples us, even when we know we are strong.

So, let me RISK by being painfully honest in this post.  I haven't wanted to been brave enough been willing to really face the reality and put the thoughts into words and onto paper (or in a blog post) for others to read.

It is no secret that I am ready to venture into the dating world and find love.

I will be honest, I thought I was ready when I was 18 and I couldn't have been more wrong.  I stood by and watched two close friends get married at 19 and 21 and was so jealous.  I didn't understand why my friends got to experience love and I didn't, especially when it was all I ever wanted.  I cried many a nights about this.  Hindsight being 20/20, I am not so jealous anymore.  Both of those friends have experienced love but they have also experienced love lost. 

I am still single... and I have mixed emotions about this.

The good stuff...

• I am thankful that I have been able to figure out so much about myself without having to think about how my decisions or emotions might affect someone else.
• I have been able to move about, only thinking about MY job and MY living situation and packing up MY things.
• I have been able to go on trips with friends and to see friends all the while only buying ONE plane ticket.
• I have moved half way to Nashville (not one of my prouder moments in life) and didn't have to worry about how the half-way move would affect someone else.
• I go to work, go to the gym, go to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting, go to church, hang out with friends... all the while not having to worry about how all of these things might interfere with the schedule of another person.
• I haven't had my heartbroken.  I haven't experienced the pain of being in a relationship and then having someone say, "I don't love you anymore."

The not-so-good stuff... 

• Getting an invitation to a wedding without a "guest" because your friends know that you are single is just as awful as getting an invitation with a "guest" and not having anyone to take.
• Being the 3rd, 5th, and 7th wheels is only fun about 30% of the time.
• Having your friends refer to 2012 as "The Year of the Man" is funny the first time and then cuts like a knife... Trust me, I am acutely aware of my singleness, I don't need anyone else to remind me.  I appreciate the enthusiasm but sometimes it is just a bit much.
•  Getting two tickets to a sporting event or concert would be much more exciting if I had a hunky piece of man to take with me.  (Yes, I am aware that I just said "hunky piece of man" and how objectifying that statement is.  No, I don't care.)  Don't get me wrong, I like that I have been able to take lots of friends to do really great things but it would be nice to take a guy.  Is it too much to want to listen to Lady Antebellum live with a rugged hot cowboy?!  I didn't think so. :)

So, this is where things get tough.  This is where RISK comes into play.

I want to go on dates.  I want my friends to set me up with their friends (or to even think about setting me up with their friends).  I want to meet a cute boy and have the confidence to flirt it up and let him know that I like his style, rather than clamming up like I usually do.  I want to have a boyfriend.  I want to experience love.

All of those things that I want require RISK.  I have allowed fear to cripple me in ways that I am very aware of and in ways that I may never know or understand.  I have resisted risk.  I will do anything but risk.

I have a crush but I refuse to say anything too forward because I FEAR that I might get rejected.  I refuse to risk because of my fear.  The reality is, I will continue to simply have a crush as long as I refuse to risk.

The hardest part of all of this is facing the reality that risk is required in life.  It is our job to decide whether or not the risk is worth it.  We have to decide if we are willing to jump in and risk whatever it is that we are risking to gain what we think we may want.  Is my crush worth the risk?  If he is worth it, I will jump in and risk.  If he isn't, I won't.  And the even harder truth is that I may never know if he is worth it if I don't risk.

Risk is hard.  REALLY hard.

BUT

RISK IS NECESSARY! 

We MUST risk in order to stretch and grow and become and feel and be.

Here's to 2012 and taking RISKS.




Let it be said that it took great RISK in clicking the PUBLISH button for this post.  Letting you all read this is RISKY!

January 12, 2012

right now I am...

watching... The leaves dance in the wind outside of my office window. 

 

eating... Nothing. Though, my breakfast is waiting for me.  The usual... Strawberries, Greek Yogurt, 1/3 cup of Granola and a banana.

drinking... water.

wearing... Tan Flats with gold embellishments.  Light Jeans.  Tan Cami. Blue Chiffon top with ruffles. Grey Pea coat.

avoiding... Paperwork.

feeling... Thankful.  Hopeful.  Lonely but not alone.

missing... My far away friends.  Some dear friends are celebrating birthdays in Seattle this weekend and next weekend, and I wish I could be there to celebrate with them.  I haven't been in Arizona in almost a year, which is a LONG time for me.  I haven't been to Nashville in almost 4 years, which is just out of control.  Needless to say, I am missing my friends that don't live in SD.

thankful... For SO much.  I am thankful for a job that has some amazing hours and that provides for me financially.  It isn't my dream job, but it isn't a terrible "mean-time" job either.  I am thankful for my freighbors.  I am thankful that the amphitheater season is going to start in a few months, CAN'T WAIT!  I am thankful for cheesy love songs (and break up songs too).  I have A LOT to be thankful for.

weather... LOVE IT TODAY! Finally a little cloudy and chilly!  Actually feels like a San Diego winter!

praying... For continued recovery for my aunt.  For my dream job.  For freedom for a dear friend.  For love. For babies (not for me).  For introspection.  Against cancer.  For clarity.

 

needing... I started to write a few things but then I realized that they are WANTS not NEEDS.  In all honestly, I don't NEED anything.  (Add that to the list of things that I am thankful for.)

thinking... That my toes have lost feeling because they are so cold.  About a boy.  About traveling.  About my friends.  Thinking about a lot...

dreaming... Of the Bahamas or anywhere tropic really.  It has been almost 2 years since Chelsea and I ventured to the Bahamas so it must be time for another trip!  I am thinking JAMAICA this time! :)

loving... Tide Sport with Febreze.  Let's be real people, Gym Clothes can get a certain STANK to them that just doesn't go away with a normal detergent.  TIDE SPORT WORKS!  My clothes not only DON'T stink but they smell so good, even after a two and a half hour work out like the one I did on Tuesday!  It is amazing!

And you?  What are you up to?

MERRY CHRISTMAS

For unto us a Child is born, 

Unto us a Son is given; 

And the government will be upon His shoulder. 

And His name will be called 

Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, 

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6 

Christmas Card Photoshoot 2011

By now, most of you should have received my Christmas card in the mail.  There are a few of you that will be getting it in the mail in the coming days, but most of you have received it, thus the blog post.

As some of you know, I work for a nationwide Photography company called (once like a spark).  If you happen to be, or anyone you know, is looking for a wedding photographer, check us out.  I promise you won't be disappointed.  Tracy, is our San Diego photographer and I just love her.  It has been so much fun to get to know her and work with her in spreading the OLAS love in SD.  When it came time to get my pictures done for this year's card, I knew I could count on Tracy to make me look good. :)

Tracy and I (along with sweet Katelynn) met in Little Italy and got to work.  I had a BLAST!  Here are some of the photos...

Got a fever...

BIEBER FEVER.

And I don't want any meds to get rid of it either!

Recently

 Katelynn finally LIVES in San Diego!

Chargers game with Lisa.  Terrible seats, as you can tell! :)

 Sweet Jackson!

I loves me some TWals.

Livin for the weekend...

So, I am a big ol nerd and couldn't wait to get home from work and working out on Friday so I could address and send out my Christmas cards.  (I know, I know... I need to get me a man.  If you know of any attractive single men who love Jesus and football, send them my way.  Seriously though.)

Alas, I went straight to the gym after work on Friday and then went home to gather all of my supplies for my Christmas card addressing extravaganza.  I headed off to Panera to sit by the fire with some Christmas music in my ears and a green pen in hand.  I did about half of the cards there before heading to Casa Harvey to finish the rest of them there. I have said it before, and I will say it again, I am so thankful for the Harvey family.  I love that their house is a second home to me.  Kyle and Cody are like brothers to me, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.  Jim and Teresa are some of the best pseudo parents a girl could ask for.  I sat at the counter, addressing my stack of cards while laughing about anything and everything.  We joked about how single I am to be addressing Christmas cards with my best friend's parents on a Friday night (while my best friend lives in Washington).  It was just a good night.

Saturday, I woke up and did some crafts.  I decided to make all of my Christmas gifts this year and am so glad that I made that decision.  Anyone receiving a gift from me is getting a gift with lots of thought and love put into it.  I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to spend so much time in making these gifts.  After craft time came some much needed time with my dear friend Chelsea.

Chelsea is one of those friends that I will have in my life forever, without a doubt in my mind.  We have traveled together every year for the past 4 years and have made some of the best memories.  Chelsea was someone that was really there for me when my dad died, and again when my grandpa died.  We laugh about what life looked like a few years ago, what it looks like now, and about what it is going to look like in the future.  Chelsea and I spent the day doing everything and nothing at the same time.  The long and short of it, we just spent the day together and it was life giving.  I am forever thankful for my friend Chelsea.

To top off an already stellar weekend, my friend from MiiR were in San Diego for the Flood Holiday Shoppe.  My friend Bryan is the founder of this great company and one of my very favorite people Travis works there full-time.  We spent the better part of yesterday slinging water bottles, all the while catching up and laughing about life.  Again, this time was life-giving.

As I drove home last night (at 10:45, WAY past my bedtime) I couldn't help but turn off my radio and pray.  I HAD to say Thank-You.  I had to praise the One whom has given me so much to be thankful for.  My heart felt an urgency to say Thank-You for the Harvey Family, Chelsea, June, Bryan, Travis, Ryan, Charity, Amber and Lauren, Patrick and Lacey, Ken and Elaine, Marissa and Weston, Deena, and so many others.  I have so many people in my life that love me and have journeyed so many different parts of life with me.  My cup truly runneth WAY over. 

To say the least, it wasn't hard to wake up with a smile on my face and a hop in my step this morning.  My heart is full.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
I am pretty sure that I made the nice list this year.
Here is my wish-list, in no particular order...

Both the movie on DVD and Justin Timberlake.

 My MacBook is getting to be SUPER slow on the upkeep... a new one would be nice.

I have coveted this watch since it caught my eye that fateful day in Nordstrom over a year ago.

As with Friends with Benefits, I would like the DVD or Ryan Gosling... whichever is easier to get.

 I NEED this DVD in my library.  NEED it!

I have wanted a NorthFace Denali Fleece jacket since my freshman year of college at SPU.  It is safe to say that I was one of VERY few people in Seattle without a NorthFace jacket.  I want one SO BAD!

 

I would be EVER SO THANKFUL to find any of these treasures under my tree on Christmas morning.  Oh and one more thing... a husband would be nice too. :)

Love,

Manders

Two Years Ago...

Two years ago, at this very moment, I was at Sharp hospital sitting in an uncomfortable chair at the end of a hospital bed, watching and waiting.  We gathered at the hospital, knowing that my dad only had a few more hours.  I felt, and still feel, a number of emotions.  I couldn't say much, and still can't.  I just sat there, watching my dad.

I watched my dad take his last breath at just 51 years old.  I was 24, and my dad was dead. Gone.

My dad and I didn't have much of a relationship.  My dad made lots of decisions that ultimately led me to making the decision to not have him in my life.  People have disagreed with that decision, but it wasn't up to anyone else, it was my decision to make.

I feel like a lot of people disregarded the loss of my father because he wasn't in my life.  People seemed to have had this thought that since my dad wasn't in my life, it wasn't much of a loss.  Let me tell you, those people were and still are wrong.  To be honest, I don't know if losing my dad after not having a relationship with him makes it harder or easier.

Since my dad and I didn't have much of a relationship, his death was somewhat of an answer to a lot of questions that I had.  I always wondered if my dad would actually show up to my wedding and if he did, would he be drunk.  I wondered if I would even want to do the father-daughter dance with my dad.  I wondered if my dad would actually show up when he said he would.  I wondered if my dad would call on the holidays or on my birthday.

On the other hand... My future husband doesn't get to ask my dad for my hand in marriage.  I will never get to have my dad walk me down the aisle to meet my groom at the alter.  I don't get to do the father-daughter dance with my dad at my wedding reception.  These are two of the hardest parts of a wedding for me.  I cry every time either one of those things happen.  My kids don't get to know their grandpa.

My dad is gone.

Needless to say, today is an emotional day.