Pray For Kate

In case you have missed it, you can read about her story here.

Audrey Assad, a brilliant singer/songwriter, wrote a song for Kate.

Check it out...

Please join all of us in praying for this "little light."

Not as far down stream as I thought...

I have been re-reading Crazy Love over the past week. My dear friend Chelsea and I went to dinner, and she started talking about how much she was being challenged by the book... which peaked my interest and made me begin to re-read it.

On the first read through, I underlined this quote:

"I believe that much of the American churchgoing population, while not specifically swimming downstream, is slowly floating away from Christ."

This caught my eye on the second reading as well. I believe that it is a pretty true statement. But, I have hope.

This week has been a pretty intense week for the Cornerstone family.

Aaron and Holly McRae's 5 year old daughter, Kate, was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor and had part of that tumor removed yesterday. You can read more about her story here.

Eddie's mom is not doing well emotionally and mentally.

Danielle and Ryan continue to get disheartening news about the baby growing inside of Danielle.

Three people on staff, all going through a mess. Each mess different, but a mess. Not to mention, these are just the stories I know of... I am SURE that there are countless more.

I have watched people rally around these people. I have seen countless Twitter blasts, facebook status updates, e-mails, blog posts and text messages regarding each of these situations. While
church-going Americans are "floating away from God," they are also desperately swimming back up-stream.

I am just full of hope. Life continues to be a mess, full of unanswered prayers, prayers answered differently than we have hoped for, and disappointment... it is also full of hope and joy and faith and belief.

I guess we aren't as far down stream as I originally thought.

Chew on this...

I really enjoy reading RELEVANT Magazine online.

Today, I have been feeling defeated, unlovely, unloved, and lonely. Nothing happened to bring about these feelings. I still have great joy. Just having one of those days where these lies creep in and entangle my heart and mind.

In looking around on the site, I came across an article on rejection... since it fit the theme of today, I decided to look at it. Here are some of the things that stood out to me

"'Rejection is one of the most pervasive hindrances of spiritual maturity in the body of Christ today.' It changes our perception of ourselves, and we begin to believe that we deserve the rejection that comes our way."

"...As C.S. Lewis said in his book The Four Loves: "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Not even an animal. Wrap it carefully with hobbies and luxuries, avoid all entanglements and keep it safe in the casket of your selfishness. But in the casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

"As Pastor John Piper puts it, "The more beautiful and valuable man is made to appear, the less amazing it is that God should love him and help him."

"While God's will for some is clear, others hit speed bumps and detours and trying times along the way. But each foggy patch builds your character, your confidence, your faith. There’s no right job or right decision that will land you at the end of the rainbow, because there is no end of the rainbow. Just the knowledge that God will never forsake you in the journey."

"As for me, I’m deciding to stop taking rejection personally; to not over-idealize some career or some marriage in the future, but to enjoy what I have and where I am in the present. Fear of rejection keeps me and millions of people from acting, paralyzing us with the irrational belief that others’ reactions and approval are the driving force in life. We are over-dependent on human affirmation, and so we don’t take risks. We wallow in our comfort zones, decline invitations and ignore those opportunities that float our way, because we’re too lazy. Or too afraid."

"If you want to reject something, reject the idea that life is all about you. Reject being too absorbed in your own travails to see that others are hurting. You may not have the power to control who rejects you, but what you do have is the ability to make others feel loved and accepted for who they are.

The only thing worse than getting rejected is never having tried in the first place."


You can find the rest of the article here.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

As I have said before, I love me some Donald Miller.

He recently released the first three chapters of his newest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years on his blog.

I am finally sitting down to read it and just a few pages in, I am laughing and thinking.

Here is an excerpt that stood out to me while reading today...


"You’d think God would just come out and tell us what to do in the Bible. But He
doesn’t. He mostly tells stories, and He rarely stops the story to say what the point is. He
just lets the characters and the conflict hang in the air like smoke."


I think there is something profoundly beautiful and awe-inspiring about the fact that Jesus spoke in metaphor. I used to think life was black and white, that there was wrong and write and yes or no. There is gray. There is a lot of gray. Look at the stories that Jesus tells us, all throughout Scripture, and you will see that life isn't so black and white. Well, I suppose you will only see it if you want to.

I just love the way Miller puts it... "He just lets the characters and the conflict hang in the air like smoke."

Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson

Lisa is MARRIED.

She was an absolutely STUNNING bride... gorgeous!

Lisa and I met our Freshman year of college at Seattle Pacific University. As soon as we found out that we were both from San Diego, we stuck together. We lived on the same hall for the first quarter, until I moved due to having been placed with the roommate from Hell. :) Luckily, Lisa and I had some core classes together, so our friendship didn't change.

I left SPU after one year, but we have kept in touch.

I will never forget when she called me to tell me about this guy that she met ON AN AIRPLANE. Like many others, I was skeptical of it all. I mean really, would she ever actually see him again?!

YUP!

Bryan and Lisa dated for a while, long-distance, and then were engaged, again long-distance. All I ever heard about Bryan, from both Lisa and the SOS Gals was how great Bryan is and how he loves Lisa so much and so on and so forth.

It was an honor to celebrate with Bryan and Lisa yesterday. The ceremony was beautiful. The ceremony was held at Grace Lutheran Church, where Mingo and Fallon got married a few years ago and where Braden and Emily got married earlier this month. It was simple, it was God-honoring, it was challenging, and it was personal. The reception was at The Prado in Balboa Park... another BEAUTIFUL location. Everything about the wedding was beautiful and elegant and simple.

Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson. Have fun on your SURPRISE Honeymoon! :)

Sex God

"You can't be connected with God until you're at peace with who you are. If you're upset that God gave you this body or this life or this family or these circumstances, you will never be able to connect with God in a healthy, thriving, sustainable sort of way. You'll be at odds with your maker. And if you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given. And until you're at peace with God and those around you, you will continue to struggle with your role on the planet, your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. You will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect."

-Rob Bell, Sex God

Del Mar Fair

Yes, I know that the name change.
No, I don't care. :)

Brian, Stacey, BPerry, and I went to the fair last night. It was so fun.

Parkinson's. Switchfoot. Corn dogs. Giant slides. Tango. Magnum. Mexican Funnel Cake. Laughter.

It was a great night...

Flood

I have been back in San Diego for almost a year.

I have floated between churches, sometimes not even going.

Whether it was due to burn-out from 5 services a Sunday, every Sunday for over a year, due to being lazy, or due to sheer apathy... it needs to be done.

I say I want to be part of a community. I say that I am "looking for a church to attend," all the while not actually being active in that endeavor. The buck stops here.

I have been hanging out with Brian and Stacey a lot, and they encouraged me to check out Flood again.

I was Baptized at Flood a few years ago. There is so much that I really enjoy about Flood. I love that they meet in a High School Auditorium, and aren't just renters, but serve the school in numerous ways.

Right, wrong, or indifferent, music plays a big role in worship for me. There are other churches in San Diego that I have attended and enjoy, but it is rare that I am actually able to engage there. The music at Flood is what I have been complaining about not being able to find.

I enjoy the teaching.

As I write this, I feel a pit in my stomach. This is all about me and what I am getting out of attending a local church. I am the very person that I criticize for being a consumer. Since when did worship become about me?

I am shaking my head, not knowing what else to write at this point. I am re-reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love. From page one, I am challenged to move beyond myself and onto the One who is WORTHY to be praised. He is "Holy Holy Holy."

...all this to say, I am continuing to check out Flood. I feel at home there. I feel safe there. I feel there.

First Five

I started my new job on Monday... So far, so good! :)

The job is more me than I thought it was, incorporating more of my loves and gifts than I had originally anticipated. I get to use my strengths and gifts everyday. I am challenged in numerous days. I get to use all of that Spanish that has just been sitting for the past 6 years. I get to love on kids and families, both directly and behind the scenes.

As we all know, the first five years of a child's life are so formative in the learning process. We also know that the learning process begins at home. For some families, the educational process is not only difficult, but sometimes impossible, due to situations.

I work with the Early Childhood Education department at San Diego Unified School District (even getting the job right now was a COMPLETE and TOTAL God thing, as they are cutting positions left and right.) There are resource teachers that work with the different pre-schools, located in low-income areas, offering training to the teachers and free workshops to parents.

The workshops for parents is where I come in. The resource teachers hold workshops in both Math and Literacy. In these workshops, the teachers equip parents with both the knowledge and the tools to go home and teach their children. We even provide them with books, paper, pencils, counting tools, and so much more. I help with getting these packets ready for the workshops. In order for parents to be able to come to the workshops, it is important that childcare is provided. So, I do the childcare during the workshops.

I love it.

I know that there will be times during which I am frustrated and want out, but for now... I love it.

Session Nine Photography

On a recent trip to Arizona, I was lucky enough to spend some time with my dear friends Jason and Jessica and little Cruz too. Jason and Jessica have started a new venture into photography. They are diving head first into this adventure and it is so cool to see.

Check them out here: They are still working on getting their blog and site up. :)

From the start, it was so evident that they LOVE what they get to do. It is such a creative outlet for the two of them, especially Jess, now that she is at home with Cruzer. :) They have so much fun, so naturally, it is easy to have fun being the subject.

Jessica sent me a fun text today, notifying me that my pictures were up. I was so excited, I couldn't wait to see them. Here are a few of my faves

To Clarify...

First of all, I didn't realize how many people actually read this thing.

Thank you.
Thank you for caring enough to click a link, keep me bookmarked, and for sticking around long enough to read even when you land here by mistake.

Second of all, I am doing really well.

I have gotten a few e-mails, text messages, phone calls, and "are you ok hugs" since my post yesterday. I REALLY appreciate the checking in. I do. But I am doing well. I am doing really well. I must not have done a very good job at clarifying my feelings. Alas, I shall try again.

It has been a lonely year.

BUT

It has been a PHENOMENAL year. I have gained confidence in myself and the gifts and strengths that I bring to the table. I have become more comfortable in my own skin than ever before. I get along with my family (which is a BIG deal.) I am ok with being alone. I feel peace. I have joy.

So.... Though it has been a lonely year in the sense of moving back home after being away, moving back in with Mom and Poops, having a job that I am less than in love with, and figuring out how I fit into community and friendships and social settings... it has been a WONDERFUL year.

I know that is probably confusing as all hell. But it makes sense to me.

It has been a messy year. It has been a beautiful year.
It has been a lonely year. It has been a full year.

Life is good.

...while the world is starving for joy, I have it!!! :)

Loneliness...

If you have had any sort of contact with me over the past year, have read this blog, or have asked about me... you know that it has been QUITE A YEAR. In fact, the past two years have been pretty intense, but this year has been quite the year for different reasons.

This time last year, I was packing up and getting ready for my first ever trip to Europe. I was so excited! I couldn't wait to explore London, and spend a week relaxing in and conquering Dublin. As we all know, that trip was short-lived.

After the traumatic experience that was London, came the oh-so-exciting journey of moving half way to Nashville and back to San Diego. Lovely.

Upon my return to San Diego, I sat down with Ricky to talk through life. We came to the agreement that I would stay in San Diego for at least a year. That year will be complete on August 1st.

The past year has been marked with new friendships, reconnecting with friendships lost, coming to the realization that some friendships have changed and have even evolved to nothing more than bi-annual phone calls. I have gone through some pretty intense counseling; talking through deep wounds from my dad, wrestling with broken relationships within my family and friends, and just dialoguing about who I am and who I want to be. Quite significantly, it has been the loneliest year of my life.

I work, at a job that I don't really enjoy, then I come home. It is a vicious cycle that is rinsed and repeated over and over and over again.

On a recent trip to Arizona, I got to sit down with my dear friend Jeff Gokee. Jeff and I worked together at Cornerstone. Jeff is one of those people who can ask me how I am doing and I instantly start crying. He is a safe place. I walked into Jeff's office, sat down, and started to weep. It was a good cry. I needed it. I was telling Jeff how lonely I have been feeling. Told him of this year of recovery, of healing, of self-assurance built, and of great growth. Though it has been a wonderful year, it has been a lonely year.

We talked of community, and the lack thereof... or so it seemed.

I was comparing the community that I have in San Diego to the community that I had in Arizona, that I also complained about and was comparing to the community in San Diego. Again, a vicious cycle to be living.

I told Jeff that the community that I find myself in is different. He asked me, "different than what?" Good question. What was I comparing this community to.

Sure, I don't see friends everyday. I have friends in different places, who work different jobs, who have different schedules and who live in different locations. There is nothing wrong with that.

I do have community. I have a pretty kick-ass community in fact... Andrea and Amy. Benton. Kelli. Kerri. Reverend Long. Brian and Stacey. Kristi. Kim. Deena. Mingo and Fallon. Ricky and Nova. Kristen. Lauren. Heather. Sierra.

More than these local peeps, I have an AMAZING community outside of San Diego... Katelynn. Lanaya. Kendall. Jennifer. Amaris. Gina. Jeff. Jeff and Lisa. Danielle. Lisa. Megan. Rosie. Travis. Michele. Kari. Brian and Promise. Ron and Anna. Rene. Nicci. Daina. Jason. Taylor. Sean.

Sure, I don't see each of these people on a daily basis, weekly basis, or even a monthly basis. But they are there. They are my community.

It looks different... but it doesn't matter.

So, I may feel lonely... but I am NOT alone. :)

Priceless Treasure

Priceless treasure, Jesus the Christ
The jewel of my searching demands my life

So I bow to You, and I kneel to You, You have my heart

Oh, marvelous Savior, You came down from heaven to us
Oh, beautiful treasure, You made us His daughters and sons
Oh, that we could reflect You, show You to the world that You love
Jesus the Christ

You are my gain in death or in life
My quest is to know You, my god, my delight

Jesus, whom have I in heaven, but You
And having You, I desire nothing on earth

-Charlie Hall

The Grass is ALWAYS Greener

We have all heard this saying.
We have all said this phrase.
Many of us have seen this truth reveal itself in our lives.

I have stood beside friends as they said their vows, asking God why it wasn't me dressed in white. Why I am still single. Why I am not ready.
...The grass is always greener.

I have prayed and prayed and prayed to get a better job, only to find out that it wasn't better but just different.
...The grass is always greener.

I have wondered why this or that has happened to me and not to someone else, who seems to have the picture perfect life.
...The grass is always greener.

The past few weeks have all been lumped into this phrase. Just when I am wallowing in my own self-pity of being single, I hear of relationships that are struggling and are just hard. Just when I am so ready to throw in the towel at work, I am reminded that I have a job, and that is something to be thankful for. Right when all I want to do is move somewhere, I realize that the problems won't go away in a new place.

The grass is always greener.

We have this mentality, this ridiculous thought, that everything and everyone else has it better than we do. Where did that come from?

I am not sure that we will ever get over this "grass is greener complex," I am sure of one thing... God is faithful.

I am where I am supposed to be. It may not be pretty and tied with a bow, but it is beautiful. It may be broken, but it is beautiful. The grass may be faded to my eyes, but it is a bright and vibrant green to someone else.

I guess my grass isn't so dusty and faded after all. :)

For Rene

"Take Me There."

"I don't have a problem gettin it."

"You have a jeep, I have a jeep, They have a jeep..."

"Pearls make it classy."

To you, these saying mean NOTHING. To Rene and I... they mean A LOT!